I     am on   my period

unashamed I do declare

no whispered tones saying

“its that time of the month”

no hush hushing this rush of blood

from my vagina

or hiding behind useless euphemisms

to sanitise       for your sake

what is happening to my body

and, oh, let me tell you what’s happening

 

my womb is cramping my style

tomb to unfertilised egg

surprised and bloated body

creates powder keg of emotions

all because I didn’t get pregnant this month

(and will never)

my coil spoiling chances for uterus

currently making me feel far from cute-r-us

to fulfill destiny

 

and so, to hot water bottle i turn

clamped to dull ache of lower abdomen

only thing keeping me from throttling someone

don’t tell me I’m ovary-acting

PMS now stands for Permanent Menstrual Tension

outlook consistently bleak

spending “shark week” paranoid that I’ll leak

ruin my sleek look

white an absolute no go

lest “Aunt Flo”

create Rorschach test down below

in grungy granny pants

too many pairs of underwear

already forfeited to flood

blood that never ends

clumps and clots, spot and dots, smear and stains

and

heaven forfend – now I’m fucking horny!

 

did you know that orgasms

are nature’s pain killers

fill her up!

I’m already lubed

who cares if you get womb lining

caught in your pubes

I’m pining for you to be inside me

be at my cervix

2 days of flow turns me into ho

no?

fine.

I’ll do it myself – get caught red-handed

 

I’ve

bled all over bed clothes

cos when I’m “on the rag”

white sheets become flag of Japan

shiiiiiiiit

 

and please

please please please

don’t. fucking. sneeze

 

pads, tampons, mooncups

I’m fed up

nothing can stem the tide

I shall not hide away

outbreak of pimples on face

race to toilet to deal with murder scene

seesaw of feelings, being told I’m unclean

products in aisle entitled “feminine hygiene”

I am not dirty for bleeding

stop feeding those lies

I’m likely to cry at any time

even if you tell me the best.joke.ever:

 

“what did one tampon say to the other?

nothing, they were both stuck up cunts!”

 

don’t get me started on the price!

sacrificing to pay for this bodily function

to which I give six and a half years of my life

I say, bloody hell world, make it free

for every month we are trapped in cycle

of becoming psychopath

 

the Danish may say “the communists are in the fun house”

but I kid you not

menstruation is a damn frustration

Period.