You

it just had to be you

but why was it with you

that I cried my first tears in months?

This fucked up thing that we have

whatever it is

God, what is it?

Why do you challenge me,

yet can’t challenge yourself?

Why do you call me on things

that no one else will?

Do you have special Kate x-ray specs

that make me transparent to you?

Why do I feel so safe in your arms

when you’re actually

the most dangerous safe-zone a girl could have?

You’re my substandard substitute, for goodness’ sake

and yet I’m intoxicated by you

when you hold me

I can still smell you the next day

I don’t know whether to inhale deeply

or wretch and purge myself

of the shame inside

You think you know me better than I know myself

and what if you do?

What if you’re right?

Where does that leave me?

Naked in your bed, as always

What is this power you have over me?

And why

why on earth am I not strong enough

to let go?

Because,

no,

can I say it out loud?

Because the loneliness is too much

to bear alone

and two lonely, naked souls

will entwine

in this mess that is us

But you

why did it have to be you

who saw me cry?